


Solemnly Swear (The Let It Snow Remix)

by dorkishavenger



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-18
Updated: 2010-05-18
Packaged: 2017-10-09 13:19:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/87916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dorkishavenger/pseuds/dorkishavenger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius knows he's an idiot, sometimes, but really -- James worked it out first? *James*?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Solemnly Swear (The Let It Snow Remix)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cindergal](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cindergal/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Resolutions](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/829) by Cindergal. 



What.

The.

HELL.

Sirius blinked at Remus in utter consternation, still feeling Remus' lips on his. He wasn't lost for words very often; in fact words found him and spilled forth from his lips even when it was obviously extremely stupid to say anything at all, even when talking could get him killed or detrousered or something.

But right now he couldn't've managed an answer to the question, "Humans have how many legs?" if he'd had a wand to his throat.

Remus stared at him, chest heaving, looking for something in his face.

He obviously didn't find it.

He apparated away in a BANG of inrushing air. Sirius lurched forward, hand out in protest, but it was too late. Of course it was.

"Don't mind me," said a cheery voice as a gust of laughter and music hit Sirius' ears.

"What-" Sirius jumped, fumbling for his wand, but it was only James. Of course it was. He was at their party, after all. James' tie was rumpled, shirt sleeves rolled up, and he had a charmingly rakish air about him. Enormously bloody irritating. Sirius' whole universe had just imploded, and James was putting on the charm for Lily as if nothing were different.

He had two champagne glasses dangling from a hand. "Just after a refill," he said, taking the bottle down. The glasses clinked as he put them on the counter. He began to pour, and flashed Sirius a curious look over one shoulder. "You all right, mate?"

"Never better," Sirius said thickly. "Gotta go."

"Wait!"

"WHAT?" Sirius snapped, wand in the air.

James sighed. He finished pouring, and tucked the bottle under an arm. Why had he bothered pouring in here at all, then? Stupid idiot. "Remus, right?"

"No," Sirius said automatically, but then he did a double take. James wasn't exactly Perceptivo, King of Perceptiveland. If *James* had picked this up -- why hadn't he said anything before? Maybe he thought Sirius knew already?

Now that was an uncomfortable thought. He didn't like to think of himself as a twit.

James nodded sceptically. He flapped a hand at Sirius' hair. "Uh-huh. Right. 'Cos standing here all by yourself is enough to get your hair all mussed and your collar skew whiff and your lips looking thoroughly chewed. Right. Got it. I owe Lily a Butterbeer. Well, take it easy, OK? If you scare him I will kill you."

"You're an annoying sod, Potter."

"Takes one to know one, Black."

This was going nowhere, and he had to find Remus. Better try the park first.

* * *

The cool night air was a welcome change from the charged atmosphere of the party. He sighed an enormous sigh of relief when he saw a familiar figure on the bench. OK, so maybe this wasn't the most relaxing thing ever, finding Remus here, but at least they could have this *out* at last.

No idea what to say. He aimed for an air of nonchalance -- but most likely hit an air of 'emotionally constipated' -- and sat down quietly on the bench next to Remus. Close enough to feel his warmth.

"That didn't take long," Remus said.

His voice was light. Sirius felt something unstick itself inside him. Maybe he could do this. Maybe.

"First place I looked. You're quite predictable, you know." He tried for one of those grins that he'd been told was sexy. "Well...usually."

Remus seemed to take that in with equanimity, and for a brief searing moment Sirius wanted to find a Time Turner and go back to that moment in the kitchen, go back to the Remus who was all gasping desperation and *want*. The Remus who was affected by him, open to him, interested in him. But he'd messed up, and he couldn't have that Remus just now. So he'd better make things right.

Remus said calmly, "Well, it's New Year's, and I'm trying to turn over a new leaf, as they say. Suppose I still need to work on it a bit."

Sirius nodded. "New Year's resolutions and all that rot."

"And all that rot."

There was a blessed, horrible silence. Sirius could feel the weight of the conversation that had to come looming over him. Like some kind of tsunami, or a cliff about to drop on his head. Or perhaps the beginning of the rest of his life.

Well, yes, OK, no matter what happened here, it'd be the beginning of the rest of his life *technically*. But it could be a *good* beginning. If he got this right.

And if he could stop thinking about Remus as some kind of final exam question that he could get 'right' or 'wrong', that'd be a plus, too. Remus was a person, after all. An annoying, soft, quiet, surprisingly aggressive, caring, hot person.

So Sirius opened his mouth and let some words fall out. "You kissed me."

Remus sighed. "I'm aware of that, yes."

"You kissed me in the middle of James and Lily's party where anyone might have seen us..."

Remus rubbed the back of his neck, as if he needed something to do with his hands. As if he wanted to kiss Sirius again. Or punch him. "We were alone in the kitchen. No one saw."

Sirius said wryly, "And then you apparated away so fast I was afraid you'd splinch something important."

THERE. A smile. Or almost a smile.

"Not very Gryffindor of me, was it? But I assure you I am completely intact."

Wind ruffled Sirius' hair, sending a chill through him. He pulled his robes around him. It was probably bad form to keep banging on about what had just happened, considering Remus was neither a) absent from the events in question or b) an idiot, but he couldn't stop. "And actually, you didn't just kiss me, you snogged me. Rather thoroughly."

...crap, what was that *look* for. What'd he said? Sirius ran his mind back over the last few minutes. Yes, dumb things, no argument there, but what had he done specifically?

He was closing off again. Or still. Closing himself off *more*, anyway. Sirius started to panic, but then Remus took a deep breath. He wasn't leaving. Maybe this was still salvageable.

"The last time you returned from a mission," Remus said, "you'd been hexed so badly that you couldn't get out of bed for two days, even with Poppy's best potions."

Sirius groaned. Not this again. He didn't need to worry so much. "Remus, I'm fine..."

"Just let me finish. The last time I went on a mission, I had to talk my way out of being torn apart by the pack of werewolves I was trying to infiltrate. They thought I was a traitor. Which, of course, I am."

"Moony - what?!" He stared at Remus, with a hand hovering over his arm, but he wasn't quite daring enough to touch. Why hadn't Remus told him?! A litany of worry bubbled up behind his lips, and he nearly started teasing to hide the sympathy that he knew Remus wouldn't want.

Remus had more to say. With great effort Sirius managed to keep his stupid mouth shut.

"It wasn't just that one time, Padfoot. It's something every time. For all of us. It's war. Every time one of us goes out, I keep thinking, what if I never see you again? Would I be able to live with the fact that I had never let you know how I feel? Would I be all right never saying, I love you and I want to be more than just your friend? And it's bloody New Year's Eve and yet another year has gone by and I'm not all right with that anymore."

...huh.

That... honestly, that made a hell of a lot of sense. He'd always known Moony was the smartest one out of the two of them, and this just proved it.

He didn't want to lose Remus, either. Didn't want to lose his Moony. It was stupid, and sentimental, and maybe if they became -- whatever it was they could become, it'd hurt *more* if one of them fell. That didn't mean they shouldn't try.

But it could hurt *so* much.

He stared out across the park, elbows on his knees, absently taking in the teenagers playing on the swings.

"I'm scared," he said at last, because who could he admit this to if not to Remus? "I'm just...really fucking terrified. Of everything. All the time."

Remus' voice was hoarse. "Me, too."

Sirius sat back against the bench again, shoving his stupid hair back off his face with both hands. He said with difficulty, "I don't...I don't want to lose you..."

The response came quickly. "I don't want to lose you either."

"And I don't want to hurt you," he said firmly, gazing at his ineffably precious pain in the arse werewolf, but the firmness ran out quickly. That was an easy thing to say. what next? He shrugged, and just said it. "I want very badly to say the right thing, here."

Of course Remus had an answer. "Just say how you feel."

He opened his mouth, closed it, then shook his head grumpily. "I'll just fuck it up."

Not a difficult thing to predict, going on past performances. He'd never had any luck with romance, after all. Not with the girls he'd chosen, or been chosen by.

But Remus was different. Apart from the obvious gender thing, Remus was, well, Remus.

He really needed to think of the right thing to say. Remus deserved an answer.

The fresh tang of impending snow hit his nostrils. He inhaled. "It's going to snow. I can smell it."

"I think you're more dog than human sometimes," Remus said. Sirius laughed. "But I think you're right. I can feel it."

His voice shook, but it wasn't hard to tell this time that it was cold. Stupid Remus. Getting all upset and storming off like that; that kind of moronic reaction was much more *his* domain.

"Well that's what you get for apparating away without your robes. Idiot." He undid the front of his robes, and slung an arm around Remus almost without thinking about it. "Merlin, you're like an ice cube."

Remus was a frozen lump against him, but he began to relax into Sirius before long. It should've felt like an intrusion. It didn't. Remus felt like part of him, that he had to look after. Not very poetic, but it was quite nice.

Snow began to fall. Big white wet flakes, landing on his hair, on Remus, on everything. Remus was staring at him, which would've been disconcerting, except Sirius somehow knew what he was doing, now. At last. Always been a bit slow. He stared back, letting himself slowly begin to smile. Letting himself begin to hope that this could work.

A church bell began to bonggg. He pushed all thoughts of James realising first out of his head. All he wanted to focus on was the person right here in front of him. This was either going to be incredibly romantic or incredibly lame, but right now he didn't care. "Happy New Year, Moony," he breathed, just before the twelfth bongggggggg, and then he kissed him.


End file.
